I Miss My Mom..

My mom passed away in 2016 from Alzheimer’s. Alzheimer’s slowed down her functions by attacking her brain. It caused memory loss, confusion, changes in her behavior and personality.  It interfered with her ability to do the most basic functions that we take for granted, like going to the bathroom. Though she was able to walk and talk, she was not herself for years. 

Even with no other serious illnesses, part of her was gone never to return again. It’s really devastating when a disease robs you of who you are. 

It hurt being able to see my mom and not communicate like we used to.  We weren’t able to share stories about the family because she didn’t remember anyone.   We were not able to share in the new things that were happening in the family like, babies being born, someone graduating, or getting married. We could tell her but she couldn’t retain anything new.  I couldn’t take her to her favorite places because she no longer remembered having a favorite place or favorite dish. She actually was afraid to go out. 

Damn! This seems so unfair.  How could this happen?  Why my mom?

I miss my mom now.  But I think I missed her more then. That may not make sense to some people because when she was sick, at least she was with me.  I could see her, talk to her and help her but I wasn’t really helping my mom.  Not the mom that I knew. She was like a stranger in many ways. I missed her more when she was here dealing with Alzheimer’s. Every day, I had hope that she would return to herself.  Wishing she would snap out of it. Knowing the truth yet still wishing for a miracle. 

Damn! How do you reach her?  How do you get that wonderful, funny, smart mouth, God fearing woman back? How do you get her to remember who she was, what she liked and how wonderful she made people feel?

You Don’t!

You have to accept what she’s going through and meet her where she’s at.  Meet the new Lois Fanny Crawford.  Staring into space. Looking bewildered or confused, saying whatever comes to her mind without apology and no embarrassment from her end.  Now that part remained the same. LOL! 

What hurt the most was that she didn’t understand where she was and what was happening to her.  And she looked to me, who she trusted completely, for an explanation, or to fix it, or change it, or to make it better.  

I could not do any of that. If I explained she wouldn’t remember.  If I dared to change her location it would have confused her more and she may regress.  So, what do you do? I couldn’t fix it. I couldn’t fix her.  

I don’t wish this helpless feeling on my worst enemy. Watching the person you love the most in the world disappear, is a painful experience.   This disease took her away from me while she was alive.  While sitting there with this lady I was grieving my mom.  I wanted her back so bad.  

I pray for anyone dealing with a loved one with Alzheimer’s or any kind of dementia. It destroys them in such a way that they become unrecognizable to you. And that’s hard on the caregiver’s heart. 

Love you Mommy. 

Community

Today, it is said that there is a friendship recession. One in every five unmarried men say they have no close friends. While people depend on their electronics to communicate, we are moving further and further away from a human connection. No one is looking up anymore. They’re all looking down into their phones. This is not good. It may lead to isolation and loneliness. It’s not natural. Humans need interaction and relationships with one another.  

I understand that everyone doesn't have a tribe of friends or is traveling through life with an entourage; and some people like to be by themselves, But for those who do not may I suggest the word - “ Community”?

Community – A group of people living in the same place or having a particular characteristic in common. A connection with others as a result of sharing common ideas, attitudes or goals. 

Sometimes it's hard-to-find community. That connection with likeminded people; A place to contribute your knowledge, culture, and opinions.  A comfortable place to share with others without judgement. None the less, there is a community out there for everyone.  

So, I challenge you to try.  Try to connect with a community.  It doesn’t have to be big or a popular group, just someplace where you can share and receive some good vibes. A place that has some of the same values as you. Someplace that shares your interests. It could be a barber shop, a church, green thumb group, a book club, a dance class, a political group, anything that sparks your interest. A safe space that keeps you connected to people.  A group or organization that you enjoy and helps you grow in a positive way.  A place where you can be heard and feel at peace.  A community that excites and motivates you.

Now, there are a couple of general rules. 1. Be respectful of others’ opinions. 2. Be consistent in attending.  3. Show up to the plans and events that your group agrees to participate in. 

There is strength and power in human relationships. There is a human exchange that you get when you engage other people, that sparks conversation, intellect, and compassion. Connecting with people produces energy that will convey emotion and stimulate thoughts to be shared and built upon. 

Humans are not made to be alone.  If we were than God would have left Adam right there in the garden, talking to the animals. Instead, he gave him a companion to engage with.

All I’m saying is, there’s enough of us to have a friend, a partner, a confidant. No one is meant to be alone.  

Try reaching out to a community. If you get with the right group, it should enrich your life.

Happy New Year!

We made it y’all. Happy New Year everyone. 2025, what a wonderful year to be alive. 

A new start, new hope, new attitude, a new outlook on life. Yezz! Everything new. That’s a good thing. A reset is always good.

Starting from January 1, launch into all the amazing things you are going to achieve this year.  What a wonderful feeling.  Refreshing... I want everyone to hang on to this feeling of hope and all the good that comes with it, all through the year.   

We tend to spike with happiness in the beginning of the year for the first few months, or the first month, or the first couple of weeks.  For some of us the excitement or motivation only lasts for the first day, then doubt and fear show up. Or you make a mistake, or a situation from the past rears its ugly head and you forget all the promises you made, and all the atonement for your past ills. Then you are right back where you left off on December 31, 2024. 

It’s like a sugar rush.  You’re up and then you’re alone and the negative thoughts come back. 

I challenge you this year, to keep the promises you made to yourself. Keep your light shining and your fire burning bright.  The changes that you make for yourself are not just for you.  They’re for others around you to get inspired. So don’t let them down and never give up on yourself.

But you don’t only have to wait until the beginning of the year to start fresh.  Whenever you feel you are falling back into that slump, whenever you feel afraid or that you are sliding backwards, please remember that what’s in front of you is better than what’s behind you.  In front of you is opportunity. A chance to get it right. A chance to elevate yourself, a chance to show yourself what you can do if you keep moving forward. 

Let your light shine so others can see. Be your own best friend. Love on you and desire the best for yourself. Put in the work and receive the rewards.  

It’s a new year. It’s Your year. Embrace it!